Comments : All I hear are sighs

  • 9 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    Boys point of view.
    I was going to give you flowers, but I threw them away...
    ...I told you, you could leave,but decided to stay.
    The rain falls hard on the ground, I love the beautiful, beautiful sound.
    The sun shines bright in your eyes...
    ..Most of the time, all I hear are sighs.

    ^ This stanza is a nice intro and I do like how you went into detail about a topic that might be difficult for someone to get a hint into and that is a pretty teens mind. Ugh! The subtle rhyming is lovely though, it does seem to flow naturally with the poem. This has a very romantic feeling to it until the end when this boy sighs :(. But great simple emotion to start out with.

    Girls point of view.
    "Why are you doing this to me?" I ask.
    "Oh, can't you see? I LOVE YOU!"
    When you look, you don't reply..
    ... I walk away and sigh.

    ^ The double sided point of view is great here, because it uniquely shows what you think goes through a girls and guys mind. It's an old fable that if a boy (or girl) teases you they like you, and that is what I get from this stanza. You love them, you love them not, it is difficult to tell anymore and I lime the action contained within the character and how they react to it, very interesting.

    I flop on my bed.
    Then I hear a big bang from my shed.

    Thinking nothing of it, I start to cry, and fall asleep and close my eyes...

    I woke up tothe phone ringing
    When I picked it up, it was the boy singing..

    "You will be there at eight. No exuses, and don't be late."

    ^ You hear a noise and ignore it, but then this guy asks you put I think? The story gets hard to follow here a little not.

    "Exuses" should be "excuses". But this poem has a lot of emotion and great point of view. Nice write 5/5