Comments : A new hope (personal )

  • 8 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Ones who still is eager to weather the storms
    that creep into basements and floods them.

    - the grammar here is not quite right.
    It should read better if you have it as:

    "Ones who are still eager to weather the storms....."

    I am glad you shared this with us, and let us in to your situation right now. I think you have done well by adding the right amount of emotion and showing us where you have come from and where you are at now.

    I think you should edit the poem a bit more, capital I, commas, apostrophes etc.

    Your ending is strong, showing that you do not know what the future holds, but you are hopeful about it because you no longer have "family" around to hold you back and haunt you.

    The tone in this poem is great, showing what it can be like to move on, even though we do not know what we are moving on to, we only know what we are moving on from.

    Great job.