Hello Ingrid,

This is funny. I was watching how they built buildings on sand just yesterday. They drive wooden columns through the sand to the more solid ground beneath, then they build on top.

Tanka form: 5,7,5,7,7 syllables

Watching grains of sand
^
Great imagery. I can almost feel grains of sand, their grainy, gritty feeling as I rub then between finger and forefinger. Syllable count 5

as they slip through my fingers
^
I mentioned this above. Each grain a minuscule mountain eroded over a millennium. Syllable count 7

Unfit for building
^
Like sinking sand, when you put weight on it the sand particles give way and sink whatever is on top. Syllable count 5

Who needs castles anyway
^
This reminds me of 'sandcastles' made with sand that is so fine they just collapse when you turn your bucket upside down and pat. Syllable count 6 - If you add the word sand to this line it will correct the count.

in this cold, forsaken land?
^
This line was intriguing for me. I was thinking sand as in desert, so unless this is a cold desert I am unsure where in the world this place is. Syllable count 7

Well done Ingrid. Please put me out of my misery.

Take care,

Michael (((hugs)))

...lol - You are right. That just shows you how tired I am. Sorry! :O)
(((hugs)))

I am no master like you two at form or syllable count, so I can just say what a wonderful little piece this is without having to get technical - ignorance is bliss! Well done Ingrid - syllables, schmillables!
Sorry.
Take care and all the best
Ben

It's amazing how we enjoy that hidden beauty within a sad piece. The title itself is more than attractive, and your lines broke my heart, you made it extremely picturesque, Ingrid and you have your special way with the poetry forms.

Just wondering why to capitalize "Unfit", I also think this line needs full stop.

Very adorable, Tanka. Thank you so much for sharing :)

A simple, short poem, but an effective one.
I liked it. Well done Ingrid!

Well done Ingrid,

I could not be happier for you. Enjoy your time in the sun! (((hugs))) xx

Congratulations on your win Ingrid...I feel it is long overdue as a lot of your poems, I feel, have been overlooked in the past. Enjoy your time in the lime light...you deserve it.

My sub-judge comment:
The poem shouts sour grapes, but that is a shallow interpretation. The building blocks of time, sand trickling down the glass, build a sense of despair - too late, too little left, no hope of sustaining the bulwark of a legacy. This cold forsaken land is the sense of aging, fatalistic morbid drear of the final end. Castles are for the young who still have the capacity to fantasize that life is all there is.

Congratulations Ingrid! A well deserved win.
As always, your poetry is excellent and inspiring!
I found this poem so very touching to read, makes us 65 year olds reach out and grab all that life has to offer, rather than sink into a well of despair and unfulfillment!
Not for me, allowing the shadows of darkness and sorrow to creep up on me as I go through my life, but instead, I reach out, and feel further inspired now by your poem Ingrid, as I embark on a new carreer and embrace further challenges ahead!
Let's have more of your wonderful poems Ingrid, I can't wait to see the next one! Go girl, go!

Congrats Ingrid,

love the last line.
Such a sad ending.

A clever write

Congratulations Ingrid, very glad to see this :)

Congrats on your win, this is such a powerful piece of writing in such few lines.

"Watching grains of sand
as they slip through my fingers--
unfit for building."

^ These three lines are powerful to start the poem out with. And there is so much that can be said about them. The sand is the main part of the poem here and it is unfit for building, but why is that? It draws the readers attention well and makes you think. Did something happen? It is a great metaphor because you feel as the reader that something big is going to happen.

"Who needs castles anyway
in this cold, forsaken land?"

^ Wow these two lines are powerful within themselves. It could be saying that the land and the sand you are talking about here is a land of ruin and rubble. That was my first thought when I read this. Could it be your homeland, or war in general who knows. But I love the use of cold and forsaken here. They work well to explain the meaning behind the poem. They poem seems to be about sadness and the loss of a land and what war can really do. 5/5