Comments : Please take your seats (Haiku)

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hello Michael

    I read and rated this a fully deserved 5 the other day and have remembered to come back to give it the comment it deserves - it really is a clever three (four?lol) lines, excellently executed.

    Please take your seats

    ^^^^

    Haiku? What in God's name are you on about man? This is a NATURE poem, or should be anyway. This works though because I know you of all people know that and so you must be playing tricks on us all again with that 'other line' that you smeagle in so well.

    'ears drift from a dream'

    ^^

    Lovely line, that flows smoothly off the tongue, especially with that alliteration. Still, the nature aspect is not evident although I myself associate waking up to the sound of birds - is this the clue?

    'are teased awake by a dawn'

    ^^

    another beautiful little line there - smooth as glass if you don't mind me saying!
    The idea that those ears of yours want to keep sleeping, oblivious to the world, but something has been prominent enough to 'tease' them awake - this suggests something pleasant - now, now Michael, this is a sophisticated poetry site!
    In honesty, now I am beginning to think birdsong...possibly.

    'symphonic chorus'

    ^^

    Yes! I believe I am right - a symphony of birdsong and thus, the title now makes sense and fits into the equation wonderfully, like that marvellous last piece of a jigsaw puzzle:

    Audience, take your seats for the birds' morning symphony!

    Brilliant writing Michael.
    All the best
    Ben

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Michael, Michael, Michael

    The king of short form. I do love your Haikus they are really enjoyable to read as is this piece.

    I know they are meant to be 3 lines but as you have tried to help me with mine I have got a much better understanding that they can infact be 4 with the title included.

    Title: Please take your seats
    ^^
    This intruiged me as I know that haikus are more about nature but this title doesn't have anything related to nature in it although I know with your help it will be linked somewhere. I amcurios as to why we need to take out seats or who needs to indeed.

    Ears drift from a dream
    ^^
    Here I see you are rudely (and I'll use the term loosely) awoken by someone or something and with it being a nature poem I do believe it will be something of nature doing this. Like a natures calling perhaps?

    are teased awake by a dawn,
    ^^
    I like the idea of your ears being 'teased' awake because its like you were not willing to be awoken at this time but things had other ideas but what who knows?

    symphonic chorus.
    ^^
    This is the icing on the cake. those words just seem to slip of the tounge like they were intended to. I believe this chorus is one of the birds chirping away that seemed to awaken you. Now, I feel I believe the taking of seats is linked to the chorus of birds singing upon their perches maybe?

    An elegant piece of writing as always.

    Em

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hello Michael

    Yes, the first two lines probably do make better sense now without losing any of the essence or delicacy.

  • 8 years ago

    by Brenda

    Michael, once again a lovely haiku! I love to be awakened by the birds singing their morning melody, well done! Take care! Brenda