Comments : Irreversible

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    This is very truthful. Once upon a time we'd be at peace with each other, we'd be able to talk to people without being afraid of saying the wrong things and here we'd even be able to leave doors opened/unlocked without batting an eyelid of being scared of who will come and take your things.

    They once held peace in the grips of their fists
    dancing the joy and happiness
    across the fields of prosperity.
    ^^
    This opening stanza is great and speaks of 'once' so I feel this is going to take a turn. I love the imagery of people walking across fields tight fisted to keep the peace and happiness inside, beautiful.

    The skies loved them,
    and once in a while it would shoot stars
    a remind,
    to keep the peace.
    ^^
    This here is truly magical to think of the stars shining bright to remind us to be at peace, to be everything we are not. It'd be really great if when the stars shine again we could all stop being at loggerheads with each other, eh? I think 'remind' should be 'reminder'

    Time is gone,
    war took over the role.
    ^^
    This is really abrupt but I think the piece needed it because we are no longer at peace and the times have changed for the worse.

    Broken cities,
    as bodies pile to the heights of mount Everest.
    ^^
    The imagery here is amazing yet somewhat sombre because cities are being broken by war and if you piled them all up together then it would probably overtake the height of mount Everest.

    Peace is gone,
    so is happiness and joy
    The love that held them together,
    changed like global weather.
    ^^
    I love this ending because the global weather is changing continuously and in place of the warmth (peace, joy and happiness) has come the bitter rain and cold amongst all the natural disasters occurring recently.

    Good job, Em

    • 8 years ago

      by DarkLight

      Thanks Em,

      Beautiful comment.

      Will make sure to edit,