Well james there it is your first step addmitting you are powerless over your addiction and knowing your life has become unmanageable. im a recovering addict with 54 days clean and i swear to you it really does get better the more clean time i get it aint easy by all means but if you want something bad enough you can do it get yourself connected with na meetings they work and show your love shes what you want dont talk about it be about it best of luck to u