Comments : September Sky

  • 7 years ago

    by Hellon

    I love September so you had already reeled me in with your title but...let's not forget that, living in different parts of the world will present different skies and, you have used that fact to create this wonderful piece...it has a certain 'old fashioned' drama to it that I loved...

    You counted the flowing stars,
    I was as anxious as those alleyways,
    I was an abstract painting...

    ^^^^

    Two lines that start with "I was" threw me slightly but...nominating it anyway....loved it!!!

  • 7 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    I agree with Hellon, the two "I was" lines throw me off a bit. I would suggest changing the second "I was" to something like "akin to an abstract painting". Otherwise, wonderful piece. It's a sad existence when the sky is gone and all you see is darkness. I'm very familiar with that feeling, and can relate on a very personal level.

    5/5
    IdTakeABulletForYou

  • 7 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello,

    Lovely language and imagery. I am glad this has been nominated, because it is definitely worthy of the front page.

    Take care,

    Michael

  • 7 years ago

    by Brenda

    Such a lovely write-so full of imagery that weaves a beautiful story. Well done-

  • 7 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Beautiful