Comments : Addiction

  • 7 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Welcome to the site, Haleigh!

    Nice phrase with "opportunities are under my feet" which alludes to something buried, as in opportunities have been allowed to die unfulfilled.

    You refer often to illusions and dreams, both of which are shown as negative. I would suggest you spin negative language about the former, but reserve the later for aspirational language.

    It might be effective also if you could use more concrete examples for some of your concerns. For example, when you state "I fight for all the wrong things / and it alters what I feel" what are some of these ill chosen battles? Are they noble but doomed or just trivial things consuming too much effort better directed elsewhere?

    This phrase draws me in, but I would want more development:
    "I let fire set me free, / but it is cold and meaningless"

    It's a good effort and I look forward to seeing more from you.

  • 7 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    A nicely rhymed piece that's full of self doubt and confusion with life.
    I would imagine that as we go through life, these things work themselves out a little more: we learn (hopefully) from our mistakes and we continue to grow and understand ourselves a little better.

    Well done - all the best,

    Ben

  • 7 years ago

    by PETER EDWARDS

    A nice rhyming piece with a message Haleigh. Well done!