Ren! What a captivating write! I have been past that place, hehe, cause I actually have work during the night and sleep during the day. Times when all you do is stare at the moon at wish that it will lull you to sleep. :-) Beautiful piece.
I really enjoy this piece. Because like a lot of people i can relate to this. I find a lot of times a simple poem structure is the best and you did well here. The rhyming and the wording work well through out to convey the message you are writing.
This seems to be about a person who has trouble sleeping (obviously) but... there is a hidden meaning as to why in my opinion. Being restless to me means you are overthinking about a lot in your head and that leaves you frustrated. You try to count sheep (an old but good cliche), but nothing seems to help you. I like the emotion you bring to each stanza here. The first half, you are more on the sad side, but the second half you seem to relax a little more because you accept the fate of not being able to sleep.
I thought the title worked well too. Because it is true that not being able to sleep is purgatory to most. Even if you are a night person. But its always a battle. Anyways great write overall!
Insomnia is a real common thing these days isn't it? And the weird thing is that our ideas to write about it often come while it's happening.
I really like this poem, but there's one really cool thing about it that stuck out for me: there's more syllables in each line at the end of the poem than at the beginning. It kind of reinforces the idea that attempting to sleep is getting harder and harder the more you try. Whether you consciously did that or not doesn't matter. What matters is that it's there and that it adds a little hidden gem for us to find, which is something I'm a big fan of.
The title would also make for an awesome band name!
Hahaha that's awesome!! I didn't even think about that. I better get this band going then before someone beats me to it!
Thank you so very much for taking the time to read this and leaving such an insightful and amazing comment. I really appreciate it! I didn't even notice the thing about the syllables but that is really cool that you noticed it and I'm glad you were able to find and enjoy that! That's what I love about poetry is everyone experiences something different while reading it and notice things that not everyone does, even the writer.
Thank you very much, Tony! I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I visit almost every night as well, and I agree about the "assistance", too. I had a hard time handling the crazy dreams, since my dreams are already crazy. It got weird.
3 years ago
God I love this. Your poetry is so simple and spot on perfect!