Comments : Dancing leaves

  • 3 years ago

    by naaz

    The first time I read, it wasn't placed in the center. It looks pretty good this way. The best thing about this poem is its simplicity.
    The theme is celebration, birthday, maybe and you didn't use heavy metaphors to ruin the beauty of it.

    Talking about imaginary...
    This line 'to kiss the face of dancing leaves' and 'I whisper into your ear' makes it tactile.

    'Family and friends are clapping their hands' and 'dancing on the song's beats' makes it audio.

    'the scent of your name is flowing in the air' makes it olfactory.

    And but obvious, visual imaginary is throughout the poem because every single line draws an image in my mind.

    This word 'overseas' could have two different meanings. Like, in literal, it means overseas. You are in some other part of the world when all this is happening in her life. You are not with her.
    On the contrary, it could be that the two of you aren't together anymore in a relationship. But the fact, that you still love her you can feel the same you used to feel when she was with you.

    I didn't find any alliteration, simile but there are certain words which sounds like exactly as you wrote. The rhyme scheme is good, could be better. I read 'season of love' last week and I knew you were capable of very good rhyming.

    To be honest, these days you are experimenting a lot. Recently, I read a rondeau from you. Good attempt, by the way, and I was late because someone else nominated it. Try to write in different formats, but please never quit free verse and give few more poems with rhyme scheme.

    It is a very simple, cute and little poem, but as long as you are truly, deeply and madly in love with someone I believe you don't need too much. Love has the power to make a big change in our lives with just three magical words.

    You want such a moment to come every year, but as long as you are writing these beautiful poems, I want these moments to come everyday.

    Keep on penning and all the best!

    • 3 years ago

      by Ya----Na

      Hi naz
      For some reason praise button is not showing up and about overseas the first observation is correct. Thank you so much once again for giving your valuable time to read and comment on my poems.

  • 3 years ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Superb yet again I've come to expect this from you
    Take care

  • 3 years ago

    by Michael

    Lovely piece from you Sg, your heart is always in your writing my friend
    nice one

    Michael :)

  • 3 years ago

    by gumshuda

    Beautiful. :)