Comments : Still in this daydream

  • 2 years ago

    by Jamie

    Sometimes your poetry is difficult to crack :). But I'll try.

    I enjoyed the first stanza because it could be very possible that life is someone's one big dream that we are living in. It really is an interesting thought so to speak. I like the thought of voices crackling all around, it tells me that you are not listening to the voices anymore, it kind of resembles a voices in your head thing, where over time they get more and more quiet. And eventually you break free.

    You live in your own world I believe is what you are saying. Err your own bubble as it were but same difference to me. I feel like you are saying you want to live in your own world to heal from some kind of problem you are dealing with, and in the "real" world people don't really care or it is taboo, in my mind it could be mental health, if I am correct in assuming the voices in your head comment.

    Again if my comments are correct it could be anxiety judging from the first line of the fourth stanza. "Standing still while acquaintances march" this is a great line to describe social anxiety (in general), especially going with the next line. Most people with anxiety prefer to be online.

    You want to be part of the world to help, but you want to stay in this dream because life is so much better that way, but being an adult is probably the most difficult thing anyone goes through. You want to stay a child forever.

    This poem is really great because of the story told. The continuation from stanza to stanza works well. Oh and I like how you experimented with the rhyming which is something I don't see often from you. Thumbs up from me. :)

    • 2 years ago

      by Darren

      Thanks Jamie, always happy to read your comments on my poems. Always appreciated.

  • 2 years ago

    by Michael

    Darren,
    really enjoyed this piece, and the rhyme scheme to boot!
    Haunted childhood, its a bugger for sure
    Michael :)

    • 2 years ago

      by Darren

      Thanks Micheal

  • 2 years ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    Adulting is just so bloomin' hard sometimes and allowing our minds to tumble back to our childhood is often comforting. Love this Darren :-) x
    =^.^=

  • 2 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Good morning Darren.

    I am sorry I missed this poem from you.

    Our dreams of what we want to be can help to drive us to make them come true. Like a fairytale, we want that happy and satisfying ending. But as you start out, this is real life and its complexities are enough to make us doubt reality. I like the suggestions of madness being trapped in a personal bubble in maybe another's bubble. This multi-universe thing makes me ponder too. What if we are just someone else's dream/ what if our dreams are fed to us by alien transference? It is enough to make a mind go pop! But still we are here, striving to fulfil our dreams; dreams of becoming, in my case, a happy old man with not too much to regret. To those naysayers, I say, go naysay else where, I am concentrating on me and your words, I will turn them, one day, into gold - gold that will encrust my dreams, bolster my purpose.

    Darren, I always like your writings, they explore outside the box and make me think. I like too the rhyme scheme and the pleasing layout.

    Take care.

    • 2 years ago

      by Darren

      Thanks for reading and your thoughts