I’d promised myself that I’d never fall in love again.
I’d spent months after He left thinking that the nights of me falling asleep crying and questioning my worth were over.
I’d thought that I would never have to worry about whether or not who I fell asleep next to at night loved me;
Or if I’d wake up feeling the same empty hollow feeling I’d spent almost three years of my life with.
I’d barricaded my heart and pushed down the pain that always seemed to be there whether He was there to cause it or not and-
Drowned myself in focusing on taking care of myself and my father while trying to maintain boundaries with the best friend I’d loved but knew I could never have-
Even if we were in love.
And then once again-
I found myself caught in the ties of someone who only cared about the way my body felt underneath of his;
And I found myself in a spinning cycle of the relationship I’d just gotten out of with Him six months before that,
With someone else.
When I found out I was having a daughter several months ago I’d promised myself that I’d never fall in love again-
But it was four am and we were laughing way too hard and;
I was happy for the first time in a really long time in a completely different way than before.
Love really does hit you when you least expect it.