Comments : Neath Blossoms Fragrant ( A Haiku Sonnet! ) :)
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4 years ago
by Mr. Darcy
This is not an easy form to pull off. For starters, the haiku has its technical criteria, then stringing four of them together, linking the theme to then be summarised in a single couplet is mind-blowing. You have done a good job, my main critique, however, would be the couplet needs to be, 7 syllables, then 5 syllables. Also, make sure all the haikus follow the westernised, 5,7,5 ruling- I know this is arguable, but the haiku is traditionally, a longer line sandwiched between two shorter ones.
I hope this helps.s. your revised couple works just fine. As for your syllable counts in the main haikus, check carefully your middle ,7 syllable lines.-
4 years ago
Mr Darcy... Thank you for your comment !! :) ...It has encouraged me as well as showing me where I've went wrong which I appreciate so much! I forgot that the couplet had to have seven syllables then five! I'm going to have too fix
that! So glsd you pointed that out... And I thought I'd stuck to the 5, 7, 5 ruling :/ Will reread or if you can be of help again advising me which verses I may not have followed the rule that would be great :)
Thank you again for all your good advice and encouragement ! :D
I'm learning ! ;) -
4 years ago
Would " my favourite place is this
Bringing only bliss" be okay do you think for the last two lines ? -
4 years ago
PS I see now I have got the syllable count wrong in the second and fpurth verses. Very glad you pointed that out! So silly of me...
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4 years ago
In the second verse second line us the count wrong Michael? I'm not sure how many syllables are in the word "overwhelm " lol . or in the word " scents" now that I've reread it ...
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4 years ago
The fourth verse is deffo wrong lolol
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4 years ago
Okay... and thanku :)
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