Comments : Autumn breeze

  • 8 months ago

    by Jamie

    When reading this I imagine this person being on a porch at their house or someone else's house and they are reading a book that they have never read before. I love the wording you have used here because it is simple in nature BUT it draws the reader in actually. The first line of the poem itself asks a question and it already leaves the reader wondering what will happen, because it could be about a ton of topics, and perhaps each reader can make their own opinion.

    As I have stated above I take it as someone reading a book and being distracted by something, so perhaps they have something weighing on their mind and they are trying to distract themselves by reading. In the beginning and ending of the book your focus is fully on the book but that weighing mind is distracting you in the middle.

    I like how you leave the last line because you put us in the timeframe of somewhere in autumn. and it leaves the reader wondering what happened then.

    I only saw one small grammar error. I would personally change "have" and "never" in the third line of the first stanza so it would read like this:

    "some have never been touched". I stumbled the way you have it now.

    I also noticed as I reread that the third line in the second stanza has a small error.

    What happened in between?. << you don't need a period at the end of this as you are asking a question.

    One last thing I think the very last line could be on its own, as it is a powerful statement and you could "showcase" it.

    Just a few small errors to this good poem.

  • 8 months ago

    by Brenda

    Dagmar, a very relatable piece. Our lives whip by so quickly, before we know it we are in the autumn of our lives and so many chapters have been left unread. Some regrettably so, others not so much.