Comments : A Soldier's Daughter

  • 4 months ago

    by Hellon

    This story was so simple and yet so very sad from a little girl's point of view. I really did get involved in the story and although I stumbled on one line which I have left below, in general, it was a sad but, well written verse.

    "So long you've been gone away"...gone just seems to interrupts the flow for me so maybe drop the 'gone' or change it to..'just that you've gone away'

    It has been nominated already so...good luck with it :)

    • 4 months ago

      by Walter

      Thank you Hellon and yes, reading back that line you pointed out does flow much better without the 'gone' and I have since changed it. I appreciate your comments and suggestions :)
      A big thanks to Mark also for nominating.