Comments : Beyond Hysterical Laughter

  • 8 months ago

    by Daniel

    This is lovely Andrea. I love the sense of loneliness and self-acceptance. I have a few minor criticisms in the main body of the poem:

    ‘edgy eyes

    and nothing left to give but her
    sorrowful smile that sings sadness

    upon her soul that will never stop
    singing with the birds;’

    I think edgy is an odd choice of adjective, a little unfitting. Maybe it’s the connotations that this word has with me. I think ‘a sorrowful’ is a little more effective than ‘her sorrowful’. The pronoun is a bit superfluous? You also repeat ‘sing’ twice, and I feel you could’ve used a stronger verb to replace the first? I can’t imagine a smile singing sadness upon a soul? It’s very overly worded, and prepositionally off compared to the rest of the poem.

    ‘crickets dance upon her shoulders
    while moss adorns her like a cloak’

    Loveeee this image, though Andrea :)

    • 8 months ago

      by Maple Tree

      Daniel you rock!! I just adore you!! Thank you so much, I was struggling with this poem and it helped to give me some better ideas I feel, thank you <3

  • 8 months ago

    by C Cattaway

    I read it, yet my mind heard Eleanor Rigby.
    A good write.
    Catherine x

  • 6 months ago

    by Star

    Judging Comment:

    The title made me feel really bad, I am not sure why. When someone is beyond hysterical laughter, it is very exhausting to the body and also emotionally. The person becomes numb, or if I could want to make a word for that state.
    Maples poem describe what surrounds the old hysterical laughing oak tree. And how she can’t be as fruitful as she used to. Everything surrounding her is beautiful, the singing birds, the dancing crickets, the moss and dandelion. She is ready to flow along with life. But she forgot how beautiful and special she is., and her heart that until her last breath is willing to give back.
    What I found sad and connecting to the state that follows the hysterical laughter, is that the old oak has forgotten what she was like before she stated “laughing”.
    This is a really deep poem!!