I love the details of the orange lights and the world becoming more and more blurry and distorted as you hold all of that pain inside and it just gets worse and worse. The hot cheeks of the tears really captured the moment that you're feeling here as everything begins to overtake you. You think about hurting yourself as your knuckles tighten and whiten but then you can't do it. But at the same you realize that all of this will just happen all over again. It really captures the heart's feeling of sadness and frustration. I know that feeling way too well. I hope you're okay. I love your poems! =)