It’s a scary thing, isn’t it?
I told myself after my ex and I broke up that I was done dating;
That I going to be a single mom and do whatever I wanted and I felt that freedom.
The wind blowing my hair every which way while I sat in the passenger seat of your car
I told myself not to get close to you.
Not to delve into what was going on with him.
Not to be vulnerable.
Never again to be vulnerable.
You fought to get close to me-
And I fought to keep you out.
But we spent several nights on your porch where I let myself be vulnerable;
We spent countless hours talking on the phone
and going on adventures,
Flowers, inside jokes, dates without them officially being dates.
It was the most uncomfortably comfortable thing I’d ever felt-
My feelings for you.
Back and forth, and back and forth.
But you never gave up.
You pushed, gently at times and too hard at others but you fought for me.
And then I broke down one night and cried
to you about the most vulnerable thing
that I ever could and I’d never felt so close to anyone or anything after that than I did you.
I realized the next morning exactly how much I was vulnerable with you but-
That vulnerability didn’t make me feel weak anymore.
It made me feel strong.