Comments : Puddled Thoughts

  • 7 months ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    I like the couplet form. The one that stood out for me was this:
    "You puddle these thoughts between clinched hands
    The water flows out like unheard demands"
    ^
    The imagery of trying to capture thoughts in hands that are clenched is a good one. The reality is, like water, these thoughts would "slip" go to waste like demands to an empty room.

    As for a title, how about puddled thoughts, or capturing a thought?

    Take care.

    • 7 months ago

      by Penned Parodist

      Thank you, Mr. Darcy. You nailed the sentiment of the line you quoted. I also think the title you suggested is a great one, Puddled Thoughts.

  • 7 months ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Another great write and there is a lot of little parts in this poem that I think stand out. I particularly like your starting lines because it really drew me in, that fire inside that I suppose we can all battle and know that we may always have this battle and have to learn to live with that!

    I also related a lot to the lines of being insecure and naive about longing for something or perhaps change, but knowing it will probably never be the same - yet we crave it anyway.

    Enjoyed this one - thanks!