Comments : A Soldier's Frosty Field

  • 2 weeks ago

    by Keira Pickard

    First of all, I really loved the imagery and clever, subtle rhyming. I read the title but, at first, didn't really take it it, if that makes sense. It was only midway through when I connected it to the text.
    The opening immediately captured my interest, purely because if the description of ' crispy silver moonlight '. The word ' crisp / crispy ' is always such a good word when you're trying to display a cold, clipped scene.
    I enjoyed the second sentence as well, though I would change the term ' frosty ' to ' icy '. Although it's an excellent descriptive word, it's already been used in the title. But I'm really picky, and I didn't really notice it at all. It works well as it is :)
    The next four sentences made me think about where the actual poem was leading, and gave me a pretty good idea.
    I liked the use of 'ashen' to picture the women's face. I imagine her fairly old, but then again she could simply have aged with grief.
    ' damned ' was such a powerful word, and gave you the sense that everything is completely lost and ruined.
    I like how you've put a space between the text and ' taken far too soon '. The actual sentence is also heartbreaking.
    The final stanza was extremely moving, as was the rest of the poem. All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed this, though it's a very sad piece .

    • 2 weeks ago

      by Ben Pickard

      A really wonderful, mature comment, Keira. Well done and thank you.

  • 2 weeks ago

    by Brenda

    Nominated Ben..damn fine writing. Your pieces just flow like water. Beautifully rhymed. Wonderfully written.

  • 2 weeks ago

    by Hellon

    We had our Anzac Day here on 25th and, once again we could not attend the dawn service because of Covid. Someone went to the top of the hill and played the last post along with some other appropriate music through loudspeakers so every corner of this place could here it...it was pretty cool and a creative way of remembering those served their countries. Your poem is another fitting way of remembering those we never came back...brought a little lump to my throat.

  • 2 weeks ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    I can't really add to what others have expertly done, other than, i enjoyed reading this and know i will come back more than once to nestle in its magic.

    • 2 weeks ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Michael and Hellon - thank you both

  • 1 week ago

    by Keira Pickard

    Congratulations on your win, Dad!

  • 1 week ago

    by debbylyn

    Haven’t been on the site in quite some time. Glad to see you’re still here and still writing such lovely verses. Very moving... well deserved win!

    • 1 week ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Good to see you back and many thanks for your comment.

  • 5 days ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Belated congratulations, Ben. I like this poem, especially the near rhymes. Often a rhyme that shared a sound like the "T' in Frost and Night offers an excellent subtle lift that is nice to see.
    Well done.