Comments : Empty (Rhyming Haiku)

  • 5 months ago

    by Keira Pickard

    Oh I really liked this! I don't think I've read a rhyming haiku on this site before, but this is very good! I'm glad that you've read about using the titles of shorter verses like this as a ' sneaky fourth line ', as it makes a good difference. 'Empty' is perfect. You should feature this, my favourite piece from you do far:)
    EDIT: 'so' far !

    • 5 months ago

      by Jack

      Thanks! But I think you mean So instead of do but thanks!

  • 5 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Very good, Jack. Like Keira, I haven't come across too many rhyming haiku and I'm not sure (technically) they are allowed for the specific form, but what is poetry - or art in general - without innovation and originality? Getting the syllable count right in these forms is hard by itself, but adding the rhyming factor makes this all the more accomplished. I have nominated this for the weekly competition. Well written.

    • 5 months ago

      by Jack

      Thanks Ben!

  • 5 months ago

    by Hellon

    I don't think there is such a thing as a rhyming haiku and I think Basho would turn in his grave if he read this. Putting that aside you have 14 words here 3 of which are repeat words and the rest are what used to be called filler words so...I'm sorry if my critique sounds harsh but this is definitely not a haiku.

    • 5 months ago

      by Jack

      I'm sorry if you think that.

    • 5 months ago

      by Jack

      I'm sorry if you think that.

  • 5 months ago

    by Maple Tree

    Hello dear Jack,

    this is a lovely Rhyming poem. I do love small poems that are powerful!!! (Haiku's only speak of nature) so technically its not a Haiku. You have written a very touching rhyming poem!! -----( On this site Jack, all of the members try to give honest comments on poems, nobody is trying to be mean, we are here to help you grow and learn with writing poetry, hugs you!!)

    • 5 months ago

      by Jack

      Thanks

    • 5 months ago

      by Jack

      Thanks