Comments : Stay Awake

  • 1 year ago

    by Em


    The title 'Stay Awake' struck a real chord with me for some reason, it made me think back to when I was younger and started feeling severely depressed due to being bullied on a daily and tried to take my own life and a dear friend of mine found me and all she kept saying to me was 'stay awake Brownie (my nickname back then) please stay awake' as I was drifting in and out of consciousness and my goodness I tried to for her, I listened to her voice and realised that the bullies who said I should die and no one would care not even my family were very wrong and I fought everything to stay awake, she really saved me that day and I'll always be grateful.

    The moon is in a foul mood this night,
    so much so the clouds have intervened.
    Wind bellows through the streets like waves
    and come to a whisper through windows barely ajar.
    It speaks in tongues I've heard before.
    Every wave, a new dialect.
    This opening is tremendous, the wind whispering to you sounds amazing and though it 'speaks in tongues' I have a feeling that you could hear what it was saying and even though you wished you didn't have this skill, you do and it's one many people would love... As in just imagine how many people have whispered their deepest, darkest thoughts into the wind for they feel they would not be heard... Makes me think of a scene in pochahuntus where the wind whistles around her (I think) and she can hear it. I feel a sense of nostalgia here too. The imagery us fascinating by the way.

    Gumtree leaves interject with their concerns
    as rose petals fall onto ant hills awaiting the flood.
    Earwigs and skinks battle for shelter
    as lace flies embrace their fate and give in to the wind.
    Moths notice the halogen glow of street lamps
    and take the chances of hell over ice.
    Wow, the animals sure know a storm when it's coming don't they? My mums dog hates thunderstorms (well any loud noise really) and he always tries to hide in the washing machine or cupboard, it's a real shame especially on bonfire night. I love the descriptions here especially of the 'moths choosing hell over ice' on their halogen lamps, beautiful but sombre, those poor animals.

    In a bed as crisp as the ambient air, I lay,
    fighting a losing battle with eyes that refuse to remain awake.
    It's only two hours 'til dawn.
    Nightmares don't come when Jinn disperse at sunrise.
    They won't come true if I don't see them.
    It'll hurt less today if I can stay awake a little longer.
    I feel a real sense of yearning here not to be hurt again and it really shows... I sense insomnia and that's a real bi#&h sometimes isn't is, you want to sleep but you can't and it makes the day longer and the nightmares stronger just my experience. I see a man trying to stay strong but sometimes he's unable to and you know what that takes alot of courage to admit to not being OK and not many of us will admit it nor ask for help, unfortunately. This stanza made me have an heavy heart.

    Just a tad more.
    Just enough for the morning prayer to send them away
    until dusk comes again and the war resets.
    A nightly check-mate.
    With patience they find fissures and cracks
    until the final prod that breaks all will.
    Again, I sense the depressive state here willing morning to hurry so you can get on with your day to take your kind off the bad that overpowers us and in respect of this it helps until night falls again and you're back where you started wishing the night away, wishing not to sleep for you don't know what will greet you on the 'other side' but willing morning to come round again... It's a truly viscous cycle and one many of us can relate to, know you're not alone.

    Dreams can only come true when you see them.
    If only dreams did come true but again, we have to grab those dreams by the throat for them to become merely reachable.

    Some should not be seen.
    Some should not come true.
    But some will just persist
    and there's nothing you can do.
    I like this ending and the little rhyme here. I've literally just posted a poem similar about life and how we have to grab it by the horns to make it a life worth living for we only have one, sometimes it's impossible but we're the only ones that can do it.

    Take care,
    Em x

    • 1 year ago

      by Maher

      Thanks and glad you enjoyed it, Em. That's a very interesting breakdown, I love these! Sorry to hear about your bullying experience, but it put you here today and let me read this, so there's a tiny silver lining out of many right there.

      Always interesting to see others' interpretations of what gets posted on here, it's where all the fun is :)

  • 1 year ago

    by Lune de ma vie

    This is a really strong piece.
    You never fail to knock me off my feet with your poems.
    So you really placed a story that is so well told in this write.
    The first stanza describes the wind, the moon, the howling, and whispers of tongues heard before against the cracked window. I can almost hear the lullaby and secret conversations the wind is speaking.
    The second stanza I absolutely love.
    You really brought the imagery of Australia and life and nature to life.
    I like the way you described the light to a moth - to take a chance of hell over ice.
    Really powerful description.
    The third stanza I can oh so relate to. Here I am awake at night where I am haunted by the nightmares that come to me when I sleep - the battle of staying awake because my thoughts haunt me to only fall asleep for the nightmares to come is a neverending hell. I completely understand you in this stanza and "It'll hurt less today if I can stay awake a little longer." resonates so much.
    I talk about how nights are war in several of my own poems so again the fourth stanza has a lot of powerful words that jump out to me. I love "A nightly check-mate." almost like you are calculating your own moves to stay away and fight the night and sleep, but it (the night) always is one step ahead and finds a way to check-mate you into sleep.
    Love the way you tied everything together and brought this poem home.
    The truth of there is absolutely nothing we can do being it just persists is the honest truth.
    Strong write and very relatable.

    • 1 year ago

      by Maher

      Mate, that's one hell of a breakdown and I really appreciate it. Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment. Glad you enjoyed it!