Comments : He Forgot my Name

  • 2 months ago

    by Em

    Hello dear Andrea,
    The title 'he forgot my name' could be both good and bad, I say this because as we grow older we're more prone to dementia and the likes which is a reason a name is forgotten and on the other hand this could be for something bad has happened to someone and their name was forgetten for example a sexual misconduct or the likes. This made me intrigued although I'm not sure it's for the best although I love how you portray your pieces so magically and modestly.

    Summers drenched
    upon sweaty fingers
    as knuckles bleed under
    moons graceful transformation-
    castrates half of whats left
    of a man walking alone.
    ^
    You set a terrible scene here because its night and fingers are sweaty alongside the summer sun which portrays a dusk or dawn setting (just my opinion) but this isn't a pretty sight the sight of 'knuckles bleeding' gives me the impression that there's been some kind of scuffle and there's been blood shed unfortunately though the moon 'castrating half of what's left' is an image that made me shudder because for some reason I feel this is real life and happens far too often (sexual attacks)

    I've never been so lonely
    when swaying on a tire swing
    back
    and fourth
    with invisible hands
    to catch me.
    ^
    This stanza made me grasp for breath because you had someone to catch you but you felt lonely, possibly because you were unable to speak of what had happened and I've been there... Feeling the loneliest I've ever felt when I was in a full room of people I loved because I tried to speak about my attacker but the words wouldn't come.

    I can still see the man
    at the bridge,
    clinging to midnight
    whispering
    "come on home"
    ^
    This saddens me alot for the sheer whisperings of 'come home' even though you're not ready and it's not your time... It's very relatable but sombre and it makes me a little uneasy but only because this happens all too often within life.

    I dont know where home is anymore
    the river has me scrambled in thought-
    hoping for a summer without
    sadness,
    and these hands of mine
    to stop shaking.
    ^
    A very raw, relatable yet beautiful ending.

    Take care,
    Nominated.
    Em xx

  • 2 months ago

    by Rayven

    *Exhales* This is such a well written and beautiful poem, in the imagery you have portrayed and the wording itself. This definitely feels like a personal poem but wow have to add to my favorite list.

    The first stanza itself I believe does a great job to set up the poem as a whole. I see this just from the first stanza being a memory that you writing about. It's deep in the middle of summer and using moonlight sets the scene up to being at night. You set up the character perspective as well because it is this person that you know. From your wording it could be an older person that you know or perhaps used to know, like a family member.

    You continue the story well here because you speak of your youth. This definitely makes it seem like the person in the first stanza is a fragment of your memory and someone close to you whom passed away while you were young.

    This person was a lost soul who was waiting for someone clinging to the nighttime. This tells me they are a lonely person who is wondering in search for someone that is either still alive or has passed on.

    The ending snaps us beck into reality and even though years have passed on, you still get lost in thought about this important person.

    I loved the story you have told because there is so much emotion and thought to it, I wouldn't change anything at all.