I really like this piece, how you seem to want to want help but you don't know if the help will help. Your lines "I almost reach out, multiple times,
but the shame and guilt eat at me." reminded me of that sort of hopelessness that comes with having been stuck for too long. There are times when I don't want to reach out for help because I don't think I'd be able to receive the help, I'm too comfortable where I am (even if I know I want to change).