:-) I was just making suggestions Kerry.

I thought this had the ability to become a really beutiful peice, but didn't. There were a few lines that I admired such as,
"Spatter in a
sanguinary manner"
and
"And for every word I
don't say to you
another soldier on
the side of my
self-interest dies
and so the demise
of myself has come true"
But then there were a few rhyming stances that just seemed cliche and comepletly overused and unoriginal, such as,
"Okay here is the problem.
I guess it's alright
that we never have to fight"
I only say this because I've read your other work and I think your capable of doing much better. So, not necessarly bad, but definetly not your best.

I agree, I wasn't thinking straight enough to pull it together... mebbe I'll look at it again sometime.

I disagree with pink :-/
I thought it's awesome, and sometimes, poetry is to express one's feelings and ease angst. This isn't just some words slabed together for the hell f it. It's filled with strong desires, confusion, and self-torment. Just the emotions expressed subtly through this piece is enough to make it a great poem. Good job Sean. Cal me if you wanna talk :-)

Aken Sol

I agree with Aken that its a good poem, although the first stanza is kinda weird I liked the second one. You expressed yourself quite clearly and if somethings up, we can talk, although I may not be able to help much since I'm inexperienced.

This seems to be the way of the relationship... especially when the caring is intense. Hard to find the balance between cherishing of them and cherishing of self. (Good luck.)

not your best but still awesome
~HazE

My wants have become
submersed by
the needs and desires
of my most precious:
you.
``````````````````````
I liked that part. =)

..I thought this was gonna be a funny poem, 'Ha, Ouch' sounded pretty funny.. But yeah. Lol.. I didn't really undertand the first stanza. It was still pretty good though. Better then the poems I gave you to read. Lol.. 5/5

`Taleee. xx.