Watch your grammar and spacing. Try to insert a space after the periods so that it looks more neat and orderly, and this line "black with unimaginable lose." doesn't quite make sense, did u mean "black with unimaginable loss."?
Anyway, you defineitly have promise as a writer, as you mentioned that this was your first poem. Keep writing you have the talent, and like anything, practice in writing makes you better. Stick to writing, it's a great realese and this poem was good, nice job!

hey : )..thx for ur comment..i chekked ur poem out..definately enjoyed it n can relate for sure..good work..keep it up :)