it needs better rhythm,not rhyme but like rhythm
but was still good

i liked it!!! you'll be quite talented when you get older... i'm just a little older than you... so.. .haha good luck
<33 Janie

Very well done for someone so young I have a son ur age. U have talent so keep writing! Check out mine if u would Thanx!

Awesome poem, I agree that it needs a little work on the rhythm, and the rhyming seemed a little forced. Otherwise excellent. Take care and keep writing