The beginning is sensual and considerably foreboding at once... perhaps all the more sensual, even erotic, because of the dark forbiddance.

While the last stanza is descriptive, it's extremely bloody in imagery... reminded me of the scene in Bram Stoker's Dracula where all the blood explodes onto the bed.

Obviously not as extreme, but it had a similar effect when juxtaposed with the previous stanzas. I suppose you need to decide whether you want that sort of jarring contrast, or perhaps describing the withering a little less vividly.

I think that there are ways to develop the rather wanton violation. Likewise, I distrusted the grief expressed in the final stanza... the individual's focus was so physically ardent as described in the original few stanzas. Was the grief arisen from the loss of the physical passion, or had something else, something deeper developed? If so, the introduction of that was absent.

I'm rambling. Regardless, all that said, I still enjoyed the poem greatly. The contrast was severe in the final stanza, but likewise potent. So I really believe it's ultimately up to the tact you want to take for the poem.

superb poem! i agree that it's not finished though... maybe something like..
"now you'll linger forever knowing you've soiled something so pure" or something to that effect. Hope you can finish it, other than that, another magnificent poem!

vedali

I must echo fireflower and say "superb".
This poem was nothing short of excellent. It was profoundly intense with this soft added darkness matched to an extent of brilliant symbols and beautiful imagery. This poem exceeded with these incredible symbols that lead to definition of intensifying scenes and violently passionate imageries. I loved the comcept, and the technique of repetition you used. The lines themselves were absolute with beautym, and I compleltly admired each stance. Some lines I deeply admired,
"Hide in the shadows of the midnight sun
Watch her undress, petals come undone
Feel the passion and lust soar, yet be warned
Lay not a hand upon the white rose."
Forgive me if I have gotten this message wrong, but through this piece I had recieved a few impressions and significations of rape? if not so, I apologize, just a few symbols that I had contemplated.
Nothing but praise for this work of art, excellent job

there is no way to describe this poem more than one word: brilliant.

in more than* one word
-coughgrammarcough- oopsie? =)

I think u have a way with ur words that makes ur poems more interesting to read. I love ur work. Keep writing u have talent!

i luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv iti luv it
wonderful poem 5/5
thanks for checking out my poems. means alot to me.
xoxxox
nida

Incredible....I love roses, just like I love this poem. I always get this beautifull pictures in my head when I read your poems. Strong!