hmm, you seem definately to be taleneted at writing songs. I know that for sure, some of these songs sound like they could be sung by some of my favorite bands. I know that there is a lot of things good about this..but it doesn't quite go along the verse of a poem.

I think you did a good job and it was very well thought out.

P.S. thanks for your comment on my poem. i appreicate it.

those were amazing lines, i think if u structured it and added some more lines it would be an incredible song that ppl would love and be able to relate to (cuz i can relate to that). good work!!
stay strong always