Hmmm...
This one has its own twist.
Keep on writing.
Youve a talent in you.

i don't know if i agree with all of your advice but thanks.

and i don't think great poets take offense to chaging the rhyme scheme. look at shakespeare, he changes his rhyme schemes.

I liked it. Don't worry about the line length etc. you should write what you want and how you want. If all you are bothered about is people giving comments then shorten your poem. However, if you're serious poet and you wish for serious comments, then if the reader really wants to read poetry, they will read your poem no matter how long it is. I hope you understood that. Keep up the good work, thanks for sharing.

wow this is a truly amazin poem, i love it 2 bits. ur goin straight on my faves!!!! :)

great poem 5/5