I really liked the idea behind this poem, but the poem in itself needs work. The flow and the grammar is off, work on those. I really think you have talent, but maybe put some more effort into each poem you write. One more thing, the rhyming in some parts seems forced. Sometimes it's better just to let your heart speak for itself and not just write something down because it rhymes. Atleast that way the poem will be from your heart. Keep writing, if you take advice and work on this poem it can become a masterpiece!
Satuxxa

interesting.very well written i wudnt change it
~Freak~

Again, i'll e-mail you.

thats so sad :( i hate war. great poem

This was good, i like the ideas you used about the war and everything!! keep it up!! i like your writing!! 5/5

Very good poem. the last stanza is brilliant.