hey
how have you been? sorry things have been so wierd between the two of us. I read your poem and sometimes I do that I've lost you forever. I'm afraid to ever call you or something cuz I'm sure your family hates me now. I just wish everything would go back to the way it was! well I'll talk to you later..

never be afraid to follow your heart nathan!

Dear Nathan,
you know your all I want but I can't go back out with you. I'm sorry but I just can't. Not right now. Maybe down the road after I know how to take care of myself, and can take on more. But I have to put myself first right now and stop hurting myself. If you can wait for me then I'll know we were truly meant to be. But if you can't then I'll move past the hurt it just may take me a while!

nathan,
first of all I can ask for help in anyway I want! and the only reason i've been ignoreing you is cuz my therapist told me would be a good idea to keep away from people till i'm clean for at least two weeks. I've only been clean for three days! I'm still cutting and I don't think i'll be stopping any time soon. I can't find it in myself to stop. I just keep more and more stressed. Their talking about sending me back to the phys. ward because the other night i cut till i passed out. I keep going deeper and deeper and the other night I hit my bone. I have no reason to live anymore and I probably won't ever get my reason back! I'll do what I want and it's not like you care anyways! oh PS the poem "I could write a million things and between boys and best friends" are for my friend! She asked me to post them up here and see what response I got and I agreed to do it. all my poems are sad and either about cutting or death because that's my life right now. So if you want me better then do something about it! Don't just sit there and watch as I kill myself, If you want me alive then do something!
~As Always~
*Left_2_die*

How can I not be afraid to talk to you. besides how do you even know I feel alone? I can't just go up and start a conversation with you, I'm terrifed. I'm dealing with my mistakes.