abit too wordy and choppy to read I would revise alot of this poem make it more stream line get to the point faster ok take care.

I partly agree with Robert about this poem. There seems to be too much description in some places and not enough in others.

Keep Writing
Nici

Thank you I really wrote this one from the heart as I do with most poems. This tells a story and I wanted to invite you all into this girls world so yeah thanx for reading....

Naima

Good poem!! nice job and great work!! 5/5!

Thanx Travis aww thanx and to everyone else who has voted and commented on my work thanx.I will try to read and comment on everyone else's work.

This is an awesome 'song' .. yup
your poem makes a really creative song. I can just hear it in my head..

really, darien? well I am a singer/songwriter.... so yeah get back to me on the song.... I really would like your imput

Agreed. Well told.

thank you everyone!!!!

This poem would be sooo good...if you changed somethings on it...but i guess that the original is the best...lolz...good luck in the future with ur poetry...very talented gurl

Thanx alot