First of all, The rhyme sounds forced. Some of the sentence structure is choppy because you have flipped them around, in midstream, to make it rhyme. If it doesn't rhyme, try a different word, or a whole new lone. Also, try to stay away from passive tense. I have a pome that has a lot of passive tense in it, but truthfully it is best to stick to active. That means make sure the subject is doing the action. Another thing, the love pfine, but add more character to it. It is kind of like I am watching high school life. Not that that is bad or anything, but get more into character development. More into the psychological mind, and not teh superficial, it makes it more interesting for the reader.

First of all, The rhyme sounds forced. Some of the sentence structure is choppy because you have flipped them around, in midstream, to make it rhyme. If it doesn't rhyme, try a different word, or a whole new lone. Also, try to stay away from passive tense. I have a pome that has a lot of passive tense in it, but truthfully it is best to stick to active. That means make sure the subject is doing the action. Another thing, the love pfine, but add more character to it. It is kind of like I am watching high school life. Not that that is bad or anything, but get more into character development. More into the psychological mind, and not teh superficial, it makes it more interesting for the reader.

I am in high school!

hey gurl,
its really good..honestly it is...and that poem "A True Friend" was about you!! but good job once again...ttyl byez