Comments : What is happening?

  • 18 years ago

    by M MEM

    ok so we've reconized the problems, how do we fix it? ive tried to igure it out, but no luck,very good porm

  • 15 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    First off - My Critique.

    "things seem to get worst
    everyday"
    `I think you mean "worse" here.

    "People seem to be getting
    confuse"
    `Cutting words short in order to keep the flow usually backfires. I'd say "confused" would work perfect here, keeps the flow as well as makes more sense.
    Also I think [People seem to get confused] would continue with the flow better, but these are just observations!

    "Things go from bad
    to worst"
    `Again, worse works better.
    But I also think you should expand your vocab instead of repeating words. Repetition works excellent when emphasising a point, but on single descirbing words it can throw off the flow.

    "You hear [of] cases of
    child abuse"
    `Adding the of not only collects the flow a little better, but also makes it easier for the reader to understand on a quick stride and not have to read over each word.

    I think your rhyme scheme became a little overused by the end. Don't try too hard to write a typical rhyming poem. Poetic rhythem can be found within any structure once you phrase it correctly.

    - Theme.

    I have to say, I honestly love this theme.
    I think I have a poem written on it myself from a while back. Its something that is around us everyday, that everyone has heard of and knows of. This means you need to make it your own. Take the idea but run with it, because being a common idea can sometimes be a poems downfall.

    I know this is an old poem, but I see a lot of potential. Well done. :)