i think that it is pretty good...if you change a few of the lines round it may have more of a ring to it but that is my opinion and it is your poem so you dont have ta listen to me

You have your own unique style and I like that! You word choice once again was really good! I look forward to reading more of your work! Brooke~

I can't believe this is the first time i read this poem. I love it. Short, but you said everything you needed to in those lines.

~Sweetz