aww.that was really sweet!!

It'd be great on a card..

great flow and scheme :)

x)

that poem was really sweet. it flowed really well. i hope she got to read it. keep writing. ur a great writer xx

In this poem you started talking about "her" and then switched it up to "you." You should pick one or the other. With the way it ended you should probably use 'you.'

'She has striking features
Both in and out
I love her
Without a doubt'
Maybe you could erase 'she has' and change her to you...I love you...

'Your beautiful eyes
Are the beautiful gates
To heaven on earth
Where a heart has no hate'
Using beautiful twice in a row kind of threw it off a bit ...you could say something like "graceful gates' or ‘peaceful eyes’ instead.

'You're too perfect
For me to be with you
Although still no turn
Your heart is true'
I don't understand what 'still no turn' means....though I'm sure you have a special meaning, maybe you should elaborate on it.

'I would do anything
As long as one and not two
Very strong words today
I'd die for you'
I don't know how well the second line sounds....maybe you could SOMETHING LIKE
'let me push through
These strong words today...
My love I’d die for you" or just “I’d die for you”

These are just SUGGESTIONS... you are the writer so it's ALWAYS your decision...You asked for serious comments and that's what I gave ;) This truly is a sweet poem….I hope I was a little helpful and not discouraging….this poem is NOT bad….a little tweaking could push through more passion and emotion. Take Care...:)

great job the only thing is that in the third stanza you should come up with a synonym of beautiful so it isnt there twice...other then that nice job...luv yas mwah

-kayla-

Favorite line:

Your beautiful eyes
Are the beautiful gates

I dunno it just sticks out. I get kind of confused because the lines you write are so short, you have to read for a while to get the emotion out of it. I like it, though, it's capivating... lol

Read something of mine if you get bored... and please don't yell at me if you think I was being mean! Everyone does that to me!!!

♥Niki

Aww. That's really sweet. Did you give this poem to her on Valentine's Day? if you did, I bet she liked it. I loved your phrasing and the flow of the poem. Excellent job.

XxX))Eclipse((XxX