Comments : Vicious Cycle

  • 18 years ago

    by Emma Carnage

    I like this one quite a lot but the.. second stanza (?) that went...

    "slice through it
    let it bleed
    then let it bleed some more
    then throw on a band-aid
    and leave it out back
    by the dumpster
    to heal by itself."

    seemed a bit awkward. the "let it bleed, then let it bleed some more, then throw on a band-aid" doesn't seem to have the best rhythm. maybe it would have better rhythm if you just changed a few words. like.. "let it bleed, and let it bleed some more, throw on a band-aid" because it just feels like the 2 "then"s in a row kinda mess with it. sorry.. this is going on for a long time but i just thought to give a suggestion. but still marvelous job! brava!