First off,.. hopefully u didnt think i viewed your poems as childish at all.. i never said that.. the feelings and emotions were very complex, i could see, but your conveyance of them was what was lacking, and that's certainly not childish.. with poetry, i believe, in each new piece you grow.. this is is you're truly writing from the heart, which i believe you are.. so to say it's childish would be wrong and insulting to your intelligence,.. anyway.. definite improvement altogether.. you used venerated as a verb, and its actually an adjective.. venerated blade would be more fitting.. i really dunn0 what slake means, but in the context i get an idea and from what i gather, it's to mean the same thing as overcome, basically..
But my future hangs in the balance as I cut deeper
And destroy my relationships
i liked the cutoff of that line and how you related the two, indirectly. this poem could have used more flowage(lol) but it really was an improvement.. remember to only use words unless you're certain of the meaning... sometimes even when you're certain it ends up that you're still wrong, as ive learned personally.. anyway good job.. keep it up .. 4/5
I did think this was going to be another depressing suicide poem, but I like how you turned it around in the end. I'm sure it's inspiration to many people in this situation. It's also a relief to here a cutting poem with a positive ending. The trick to non-rhyming free verse poetry is it must flow naturally, and this did. You also made this "problem" more real by describing how it will affect others. You implied a good use of vocabulary, especially in the beginning.
The only criticism is for this part â€œâ€¦I feel worse than ever.â€ You have used well-structured language before this, and it doesnâ€™t seem to fit in with the previous diction.
Thanks for sharing.