Comments : A Brighter Future

  • 17 years ago

    by Darien

    Good life lesson. Good poem, very true.

  • 17 years ago

    by Drew Gold

    Good job,.. I dont mind reading/commenting on your poems because thats why I'm here, and its always better to help someone out who actually will appreciate the comments.. anyway,.. i liked this little piece.. The first stanza didnt rhyme as the rest of the piece did,.. I think if you wrote the last two stanzas with the same rhymeform you can apply it to the first with the same idea.. i may be wrong th0.. it all depends what u want.. i liked the second stanza,.. good rhymes.. it seems as if the word 'past' in the last line, second stanza, seems to rhyme w/ 'lack,' which makes it seem to rhyme with both the first rhymeset then the second, as i see it... dunn0 if u meant to do it,.. but that seemed to help the flow and make it a stronger stanza.. i like the first two lines.. it's a pretty true way of putting it, and also pretty original..

    the last stanza is a bit misleading to me..

    While others grow and live their lives
    I end my relationship with the knifes

    this first line seems to suggest while they do THAT, you do something else as in not growing and not living(dying). What you said really means that you really are growing with them and living your life, so those two lines sorta clash,.. i may be wrong about your intent th0.. the third line last stanza could be replaced witha more original idea and the last line seems fine as is. I think you could write it in a more creative way, but as is, it's not too bad.. good message overall.. i like the positivity.. anyway.. good read.. 4/5.. and thanks for the praise on my work, which is always appreciated. pZ out

  • 17 years ago

    by sadnessinshadows

    It confused me a bit, since the first 4 lined didn't rhyme but the other 2 did, but anyways... i liked it. it's good that you don't cut anymore! congrats on a good poem

  • 17 years ago

    by Katlynn

    Mm this poem was great but kinda confused me just a little bit but i like how you say that your life is good now and you don't cut instead you write poems which is alwasy good and your very talented. keep it up. keep on writing. love always and forever.