The last part was simply beautiful. nothing much too say but good job!

Ok the language could use some work.. alot of words are repeated-i, i'd, you. etc. also in siome lines you ned punctuation with in the sentence- ex.
And the will*,* the kill.

I do not think this is your best work. and frankly i dont really like it. but it was fairly well written so i give it a 4

x.x:Lauren