My life torn beyond repair,full of pain and despair

those lines were so cool, very nice i liked the rhyme there it seemed to just flow so well together

once again the only thing i can complain about is your lack of a more intelligent vocabulary you are still rhyming simple words which is okay but there arn't ANY bigger words...which i think you should give a try

good job

4/5

Id proof read this again, this really has some potental...even at that ill give you a 4/5.Dif. work on this one, id like to see a revised one!