Comments : Goodbye

  • 18 years ago

    by Jacklyn

    "and that we will someday meet" take the and out of that line it's not needed!

    plus "I suddenly hear a long beep" i don't like that line, it sticks out to me as weird try this

    "A continuous beep turns to one
    Now knowing that you’re gone
    A tear rolls down my eye
    Exiting the door, a goodbye to you." remember only suggestions for this is your poem and you are the poet .

    this is a really good poem, you certainly have improved my dear!

    ~Jacklyn

  • 17 years ago

    by Gem

    "I'm sorry if I hurted you
    I really didn't want to
    wasn't thinking straight
    just trying to act cool
    in front of my friends."

    That was my fave stanza although it should be 'hurt' rather than 'hurted'.
    Apart from that, a very heart wrenching poem.
    Very nicely written m'dear
    5/5
    *Gem*