Comments : Create My Sin

  • 18 years ago

    by xEmmax

    Wow, excellent poem, really well written 5/5! take care, xxemmaxx

  • 18 years ago

    by Krete

    When I visualize this piece ... I see a character with a flaming, burning mask. It is taken off - the head is held low - and the mask is clenched tight and close.

    This beggining stanza is played out in my mind as such - because I believe the clenching of this sin causing mask is also a center for protection, hiding, & self loathe.

    But what a great feat you reach in the following stanza... I particularily enjoyed the wit of the last line:

    "If be white at most"

    --- meaning that if any lie come ... it could be a simple and plain, not nearly hurtful, lie.

    And then we have your third & fourth stanza ... an outcry for it to stop. The blasting insinuation for the vultures to stop pecking. For in these attacks a millenia of 'alone' is procurred.

    Last and not least ... cry against my breast .. i'll take you in ... your tears, your pain, create my sin.

    *What a luxurious way to turn the other cheek. To take the hand of the vulture - accept him and your clenching mask, to reprieve him of his sin ... and to 'create your sin.'

    Keen and well said ...

    5/5