I actually liked this,it was filled with emotion. You havea bunch of 'nd' instead of 'and's and, there's also 'drip n drop' which would be better and drip and drop.
In the beginning the lines were longer, but I think I still liked it and it flowed well.

I don't know why you'd think it's not as good as the rest, the 'structure'needs some work, but the actual words and meaning... are amazing. you did a wonderful job with this darling

5.5