Hmm...

I like it... it's a different twist on something original. Wasn't too blow out your brains amazing, but it was still good.

I'll read your other poem as well, but I won't have time to comment...

This poem was...good. A high four.

Please, don't take offense, I liked it. And keep writing, it's a great thing. Keep it up.

Matt

Wow, great work. This poem has good emotion and a great rhyme scheme.