Great work on this even if you don't think so... i like how you (and other ppl) can get to the point without actually saying it. i can't do that. i really admire that in this poem. i don't know if you know what i mean but yeah... anyway, it was really worth it!

This is a very good peice. i agree with cari and understand what they said but dont think i could put it in any clearer a manor lol

Hmm, you sure did express yourself in a pretty good way. i don't know about anyone else, but i liked it.

Good poem, i agree that you said this simply and to the point. I find as actual poetic technique is concerned that the lines were too short with this kind of rhyming scheme because your meter kept changing and you cut out a lot of the little words like " because and in" which although don't hold much purpose, just allow the poem to flow easier. Keep on writing and experimenting with styles.