Wow. That was AMAZING. MORE!!

If this is about you which i'm sure it is!! i think you deserve much better no i dont' know you but no girl in the world deserves to be treated like that!! i hope you figure out what is the best for you and your baby!! if this isn't about you sorry!! lol!! thanks so much for the comment it meant alot!! i like this poem!! could use a little more something here and there but mostly great! God Bless you and take care of yourself!

This person is blessed to have you as a friend to care as much as you do. Very heartfelt write.

Smiles, Hugs and Love, Angela

I read your profile and it says you want to improve your writing, if you'd like, join our poetry club called CC&P, coffe conversation and poetry. We have fun and we help each other all the time. I think you would benefit from it. Your writing is wonderful now, but by being in the club it will help you to grow even more as a writer. Think about it and I hope to see you there.

A tragic story that we have all seen played out way too often very well written I loved it thanx for a great read.
Tim

This is a very good poem. A sad story, but definitely a good read.

Laura, "Wish Upon The Brightest Star", such a sweet and beautiful poem! Wonderfully written, great job! ;o)

*sigh* i hate people who dont realize that they deserve better....anyway the poem is amazing. you conveyed the feelings wonderfullly. i esp like:
How many more tears are you willing to cry?
Just to hear him tell you one more lie

What a sickening and heart breaking poem, but bringing home some truths.
You very well portrayed the things some women go through in the fear of being alone.
The flow was constant through out, but I thought the rhyme in the last stanza could be improved.

Well done, touching write.

Laura:

I love your poem; I think it is great poem, to discuss about men treating women as a commodity rather than their other half.

The first stanza captured my attention like I am sure it has for many more readers. But one thing troubles me, the flow was great at the first to second stanza, but then it was stifled in the third stanza:

“Depressed and upset when he stays out all hours of the night
First thing when he gets home in the morning is a nasty fight
Do you really want to live the rest of your life this way?”

The third line is stifling in a way…I was thinking:

Do you really want to live this way for the rest of your life?

Much more rhythmic…Don’t you think?

All in all, it is an inspirational poem for those in that certain situation, and a sad poem, for the rest of the readers.

Great work Laura…

Hi Laura, here is your power critique... all in all I think its a wonderful write, the rhyme is wonderful and I believe if you make this few changes it will flow a lot better. Ok, here goes: in the first stanza last line, if it read, "True to your word, always standing by his side", this makes it read easier. Second stanza, 1st line, change "thought" to 'with" and change "would make him" to "he may". 2nd line, remove "you are slowly", 3rd line, remove "want to" and 4th line, remove "and is". Third stanza, 1st line, remove "hours of the", 2nd line, remove "first thing" and change "is" to "there's" and 4th line, remove "the way". Last stanza, 1st line, remove "all". 2nd line, remove "still" and change "to make" to say "making", 3rd line remove "him" and change "he will" to "he'll" and last line change "obviously" to "Still". I think with those changes it will read a little better. Wonderful write and heartfelt as well. Great job. Hugs, Angela

I like your poems too .. they awesome :)

Wow, your poems are great

Wow, This was really sad. It actually kind of reminds me of my cousin, cause she's in a bad relationship at the moment.

I thought you've done a great job with this poem. Your choice of wording was great. The flow was great also. A top job! 5/5

`Taleee. xx.

P.S If you're wondering why I'm not doing your new ones. It's cause I had a quick look at them and I realised I had already done them. But I've changed my name. It was under the name TaLeEe.

Yeah so sad that there are girls who such a life for themselves. nice write

So very sad...yet so beautifully written.
You have real talent.
The first few lines really pulled me.

Excellent poem, so very deep and sad. Well done 5/5. I hope you find your peace and the love you deserve.