Not bad. the second stanza was a bit shoter then the others. and hte thrid line 'but still awaits' didnt really fit the rhythem the pom had taken.

still, a really nice idea, and great imagry

Ruby

Yep, the second stanza IS too short. I mentally inserted "a moment" after "But still awaits" and it did seem to read better. I don't know what you others think, but that gave it a much nicer structure.