For the first time

by blair   Jan 23, 2006


As soon as i met you
i new you were the one
the way you looked at me
a life together i could see
and now i feel the time is right
to show the love i have for you
lets take the next step together
i will leave you never
i feel your warn touch upon my skin
and feel you move inside of me
i love you and now I'm sure you see
because of the Passion you showed me

now i no the the time was right
now lets stay together and spend the night!

(please comment n vote)
xoxo

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  • 18 years ago

    by Bill Turner

    Blair, thank you for the comment on my poem.

    This has nice flow to it, but it broke down in two places, with quick fixes...the word "warn" I'm sure was meant to be "warm" and the next to last line, the word "no" was meant to be "know"....make these changes and read it out loud...it will flow much better. I love the passion and pace of this write...it is very good. Keep writing with your heart...write what you feel and you will never fail.

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